1. As well as a well-fitting N95, it will be considered gauche to go out in public without a small rectangular mirror glued to your forehead, so that anyone you interact with can surreptitiously adjust their posture and facial expression to be maximally flattering.
2. Pass codes will be required in order to prevent racist amateur pornography trolls from crashing family dinners.
3. An enterprising tech-savvy school teacher will make a fortune with an app that allows teachers to instantly "mute all participants" in a real life classroom; meanwhile students will have to paint their palms blue in order for the teacher to notice them when they raise their hands.
4. 'Business casual' will be redefined as wearing pyjamas rather than nothing at all.
5. When get-togethers become boring, it will be acceptable to entertain yourself by picking people up and arranging them all just the way you like them on your wall. Also, if you're the host, you can swap out their real names and assign your guests more amusing names at your discretion. 'Peanutbutter Dragon' is good.
6. If you need to go to the loo during a work meeting, it'll be totally normal to just squat down in the middle of the conference room and go, as long as you turn the lights out first and don't make any noise while you do it.
7. Six-foot distancing will be automatically maintained by the portable green screens which everyone will walk around with strapped to their backs. The curated background images being continually projected onto these screens will give the subtle impression that everyone else is way cooler than you, and probably spent their SIP time training for marathons and writing devastatingly well-researched & intensely clever nonfiction, and definitely did not bother with inane blogs or YouTube videos of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee (start at 2:45 if you're going to watch the Obama episode, which will make you nostalgic for the days when we had a sane person with a sense of humour and humility in the Oval Office).
8. If you go out to a restaurant with a group of three or more, you will be kicked out after 40 minutes and will have to come back in again to finish your food, unless it's a fancy restaurant that charges more than $15 per entree.
9. Children will be flabbergasted at the ease with which their parents are able to maintain ongoing conversations without tech support.
10. Your sex life will -------- and the---- n----- rhinocer------- --sn't ------- ---- --- - Anderson Cooper's vacation home------- ---- ----- several million yen ---- ------ back of the sofa --- and that of course will be the definitive solution to climate chan-- ---- -------- ----- ---- sorry, I appear to be cut--------- ----- --- think I'm ---- connection problems ----
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment