Day three or possibly four or possibly even five (?) of lowest ambition holiday ever: we are on Operation: International Travel with Baby: Start Low, Go Slow.
We were met at the airport on Saturday afternoon by
1. Glorious warm sunshine
2. The knowledge that our daughter had poo’ed through every layer of clothing she was wearing
3. Five thousand guys in polo-style corporate T-shirts wanting us to go on time-share real estate presentations, and
4. Our limousine (I am not making this up; I promise I had booked only a “private car” from the airport, but turns out “private car” means full-on stretch limo, complete with plastic champagne glasses in holders, paper napkins, television, and faux-leather seats in the back. My only regret was that I hadn’t thought to wear a shiny magenta satin prom dress, preferably with ruffles.)
Onwards through dry deserty cactus-y hilly rocky landscape on one side of the road and gorgeous blue ocean on the other; as you get closer to town, there start to be more and more giganto-mega-resorts on the beach side of the road, some more architecturally innocuous than others. The town itself (or what I have seen of it so far) is a tourist schlock-o-rama, catering to drunken spring breakers (two-for-one Tequila Happy Hour at Senor Frog’s!) and middle-aged large-middled middle-America (Sport-Fishing Cruise - We Pack and Ship Your Catch!), with grubby run-down Mexico evident around the edges. The hotel we are staying at is a higher end, even more giganto-mega version of the other resorts that line the shoreline; it’s all polished granite and koi ponds and gleaming blue swimming pools and mini-golf course. We are the VIP area of the hotel - accessible only by special key card - so we feel extra fancy, although I am disappointed to report that we have yet to spot Britney Spears or Celine Dion. The crowd seems to be mainly wobbly wrinklies with loud voices, mid-range I.Q.‘s, and a much higher tolerance for continuous pop music than I have…
Saturday evening we spent just settling in: dinner at one of the resort restaurants, followed by our Welcome Margarita at the bar (I would be really interested to know how many jillion liters of tequila gets consumed per 24 hours in this town; I have never been anywhere where they are so eager to get you sloshed on cheap liquor except for perhaps my brief stint as a pole dancer in a frat house (joke)). Sunday morning we held our noses and spent an hour and a half with a schmoozy paunchy real-estate agent called Scott M., who did his earnest bonhomie-ish best to chat up babydaddy (“So! You golf at all?”) and wild papa H. (“What do you do, sir?” Papa H.: “Ping pong! You got anywhere to play pingpong here?”). He took us to buffet breakfast and tried very hard to sell us on the joys of living part time in Cabo (our favourite was when he described the enormous dome over the lobby of the hotel as “an architectural marvel from 2002”. We have a miniature version of the brick dome over our bedroom, and it’s kind of fun, not unlike being inside a tandoori oven) but his desperate chumminess was no match for our snarkiness. Baby began to cry at exactly the ninety-minute mark, proving that she has a good instinct for schmooze-avoidance, and we escaped with our coupons for $420 in free food and spa services, despite poor old Scott M.’s protestations that he ‘hadn’t had time to show us the floor plans yet.’ Whatevs, dude, you should have been more efficient.
The rest of Sunday afternoon we spent taking a quick spin around the town to see what there was to be seen (not a ton that we couldn’t have guessed at) and buying groceries at the Soviet-style supermarket (which almost makes up for the very depressing manky produce section by selling fantastic fresh salsa and playing Chopin on the overhead loudspeaker). We also went for a little walk down the length of the beach from where we saw WHALES!!! Wowee!! So cool. Right off shore, too, maybe a hundred yards away (it gets very deep very quickly) breeching or breaching or whatever it is that you call it. We also saw a sign warning in English and Spanish not to swim for danger of riptides, and I was interested to learn that the Spanish word for riptide is the same as the word for hangover - clearly both occupational hazards of residence in Cabo San Lucas.
Monday the grandparents took the bambina, and babydaddy and I went on a mountain climbing expedition - we found what the real estate agent had referred to as ‘the Mexican beach’ (i.e. the little beach where the locals hang out - grubbier but much friendlier feeling than the mega-resorts beach), from where we did some bushwhacking and rock scrambling over the big hill towards the point of the cape, where the famous arches are, passing some magnificent little deserted white sand coves along the way, until we arrived at Lovers’ Beach, which was taken over by a party of sea-kayakers and water taxi touts. I snoozed on the sand in the sun with my book (which I am hugely enjoying - a biography of Edna St. Vincent Millay) and babydaddy went for a run (aren’t you impressed? I was) and then we scrambled back over the rocks to get home just in time to go on a Sunset Dinner Cruise that mama & papa H. had booked for us. The less said about that the better, I think - beautiful water, beautiful sunset, beautiful boat ride, food OK, drinks vile, blaring music and DJ person horeeeble. My favourite part of Monday apart from seeing the whales was that wild papa H. randomly came home with forty pounds of fresh-caught tuna and started cooking it up. We’ve been eating a lot of tuna the last few days.
Tuesday we decided we were going to opt out of the Tourist Industrial Complex completely for the day - we sat by the pool with books, swam, snoozed, sunbathed, garnered compliments on our delisquicious baby, and ate fish tacos (mmm) in the morning, and then to the beach in the afternoon for more of the same. Exciting events of the day were mainly baby-related: baby has now officially learned how to roll over from front to back (rendering us unsafe for elevated flat surfaces), and she has gone swimming (full immersion in the pool, partial immersion in the Pacific). I would also like to report that my Chinese vocabulary is getting positively expansive: I can say, “good morning,” “Did you sleep well?” “stinky,” “thank you,” “hello” and “pineapple.” I think I’m pretty set for linguistic survival.
OK time to go see if I can get the internet connection to work…also, I just re-read this, and realized that it is sounding very snotty and as if I am not enjoying myself, when in fact the opposite is true; the tourist infrastructure here is icky and non-sustainable and disturbing, it's true, but it has been absolutely blissful to have several days to just sit in the sunshine next to the water with my lovely baby and babydaddy and a book and feel happy.
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